School of Hard Knocks

If you’re like me, when you think about douche bags the first thing that comes to mind is probably a legislative body of some sort.  And deservedly so.  The hypocritical self-righteousness; the rabid ideology only for ideology’s sake; the incredible ability to spend so much time on something and not only fail to make any progress, but seemingly move us backward as a society – these are things that make politicians unique among the pantheon of toxicity in our national dialogue.

But even among the most douchey of these cave-dwelling imbeciles, you’d think there would be an unwritten rule that you don’t screw with children. Well…you’d think. Wouldn’t you? But, you’re probably not from New Hampshire.

If you’re someone that never ceases to be amazed by the way these stooges outdo themselves with great frequency, this story is for you because it’s got a little bit of everything.  It’s the potluck of infuriating political anecdotes.  You’ve got your firebrand idealism that manages to crowbar some a-hole’s one-issue candidacy into the most awkward of places. You’ve got your complete lack of self-awareness and baseline couth. You’ve got your classic, political double-down where the speaker of something truly idiotic refuses to acknowledge his stupidity and instead proudly defends, in fact promotes, said stupidity.  And of course, you’ve got the the granddaddy of them all. What would such an indignant piece of moose excrement be without the fallacy of a good home-spun false dichotomy?

“I don’t know if we should limit free speech or limit the attendance in the gallery. It seems either one would be bad for transparency in government.”

Ok, I’ll play along.

Rep. Groen, I don’t know whether to shit in your hat or in your drink, but I guess I have to pick one or th’other.

Well done, sir. Well done.


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